You say you go for weeks at a time without thinking of me, yet you wear the watch I gave you almost every day. I imagine my plant is still sitting on your windowsill. Do you still water it because it has become routine for you? Or is it dying because you refuse to push back your curtains to look at it? Your name is still written on my wall. The tickets from New York are still on my dresser. Anything that I forgot to put away within those first few days I cannot bring myself to touch. I won't wear the sweater I wore for your performance last Christmas. I can't pick up my needle and thread to cross stitch again; the very last thing I made was your tardis. I wonder if your mother will hang the ornament I stitched for her. Do you remember this time last year? We were so excited to be spending New Years together even if it meant we were going to be sleeping on different floors in different rooms. I was so happy that you were going to be my first New Years kiss and I so hoped you would be my only. Do you remember when we took a walk so we could stay awake? I felt so safe walking the dark streets with your arm around me. We paused every so often to sneak in a kiss; although there was no use in being sneaky about it because no one could see us. We talked about various things and at some point you mentioned when I was living in Florida for those 3 months. I began crying and told you how I hated being that far away from you. Those were the longest 3 months of my life until now. I remember you holding me close and kissing my head. You told me everything was going to be alright, I was home. And I was. Whenever I was with you I felt so at home. You held me while I cried and then pulled me back to look at me. You told me you loved me so much and I never believed you more than in that moment. I never expected you to love me the way I loved you, and when you finally did I realized all that we had worked for had been worth it. I truly believe that you were my one and only, my knight in shining armor. You saved me, even after you'd gone. I knew what I had done was wrong, but after you left I thought if I continued it wouldn't make any difference. It was my life and you weren't there to stop me, so I figured why not. I hate that it took going through that to see why you hated it so much. I can't take back what I've done but I can apologize for the way I behaved. I hope that even if I can't tell you in person you can forgive me. I miss you terribly, but as we say my dear "I will always love you more than I miss you."